Good Read of The Month

Tyrese Gibson-known to his legions of fans as "Tyrese"-is an American multi-media entertainer who has been hugely successful as a multi-platinum and Grammy-nominated R&B singer, songwriter, rapper, actor, and fashion model.

Born and raised in the gritty South Central L.A. section of Watts, Tyrese was discovered at the age of fourteen when he won a local talent show. His performance in a 1995 Coke commercial, singing the phrase "Always Coca-Cola," led to worldwide recognition and a longstanding music career. After releasing several award-winning albums, he transitioned into films, first with John Singleton's critically acclaimed Baby Boy, followed by some of Hollywood's biggest movies, including 2 Fast 2 Furious, Four Brothers and Michael Bay's Transformers. Tyrese created the bestselling comic book Mayhem and produced the television show First In.
He is currently working on his sixth studio album and can be seen next in the upcoming mega-franchise films, Fast Five and Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon.

You Only Think You Know Your Child

The Write or Die Chick: You Only Think You Know Your Child
By Janelle Harris


I hadn’t heard anything about the Amber Cole debacle until my daughter slid into the car after school on Tuesday afternoon. “Mommy, you heard about Amber Cole?” she asked casually, noshing on a granola bar real casual-like. The way she was acting, I thought the girl was somebody I should know personally, a kid in her class maybe. Then I found out why she thought I should’ve already heard about her.

I haven’t seen the actual video of the child in action. I really don’t want or need to. I’ve known enough Amber Coles in my lifetime, and everybody who’s good and grown can piece together what happens when you get that one girl who doesn’t think very highly of herself alone in a compromising position with a horny guy. It’s been happening for longer than you or I have been around, that’s for sure. Only difference now is it can be recorded, searched and shared with just a few mouse clicks.

Fallout from the uncut footage has dropped hard and fast on not only Amber herself, it’s unleashed a firing squad of finger-pointing at her parents, as well. They’re not doing their job. Their daughter has no values. They should’ve been teaching her better. That’s a whole heap of accusation targeted at two people most of us wouldn’t know if they walked past us. I don’t know how Amber’s parents are operating their household or what kind of morals they are—or are not—raising her with. But I do know that it’s very possible for girls who come from solid homes to get caught doing really stupid things.

We like to think we know what our children are capable of doing, and it never stretches beyond that little mental comfort zone, the one that reassures us that our kids hear our whispered voices whenever they’re confronted with the opportunity to do wrong. Of course Ronnie wouldn’t steal. You taught him better than to be a thief. Of course Keisha wouldn’t jump another girl with her friends. You raised her to be kind. Of course Mikey wouldn’t pop a pill. You’ve lectured about drugs a gazillion times. We can’t get lulled into a false set of beliefs that our children aren’t susceptible to making certain mistakes. Tuck that “not my child” attitude away. Peer pressure is a beast and, coupled with other conditions that may not be as obvious, like low self-esteem and lagging self-confidence and fear of not being cool, it can spill over into combustible situations. Even with all of our positive reinforcement at home, even with all of our surrounding them with inspirational influences, they can still fall short.

A few months ago, I got a feeling like I needed to check up on my daughter. So I seized her netbook, no provocation at all. She was caught off guard and was hot on my heels as I walked back to my room, ready to comb through the contents of her online activity. Turns out, she was having conversations with 17 and 18-year-old boys on Twitter. My child is only two weeks in 13. To make matters worse, during one string of messages, she told one boy what size bra she wears and giggly accepted compliments from another about how hot her body is. Needless to say, she didn’t tweet, Facebook or Skype for a mighty long time.

I know I taught her to respect and value herself beyond her boobs, booty and what’s between her legs. I’ve hauled her tail to church every Sunday and involved her in activities that would empower her as a young woman, not a piece of flesh. But the root of the problem for her, just like it is for Amber, is believing that. I’ve noticed that young women in general—and alas, not just teenagers—have a gross lack of respect for themselves. There’s almost a desperation for attention from the opposite sex and a willingness to one-up the next girl in an effort to snag a guy. The competition plays itself out in how much flesh they can expose, how suggestively they can walk, talk and dance, and yes, how far they’re willing to go to hand out sexual favors and do them well, at that.

I know I’m setting a better example for my child than that and I’m hoping Amber’s mother is, too. But we just have to keep out ears open, our heads out of the clouds and stay vigilant in teaching that the way to win a man’s heart is not through his zipper. That means we shouldn’t lean back on our holier-than-thou high horses and ridicule people dealing with it when those people could very well be just like us.

Read more: http://www.essence.com/2011/10/24/the-write-or-die-chick-you-only-think-you-know-your-child/#ixzz1d7wOqcXu

Good Read of The Month

What does it take to create your New American Dream?

Suze Orman, the woman millions of Americans have turned to for financial advice, says it’s time for a serious reconsideration of the American Dream—what promise it still holds, what aspects are in need of revision, and how it must be refashioned to fit our lives so that we can once again have faith that our hard work will pay off and that a secure and hopeful future is within our reach.

In nine electrifying chapters, Orman delivers a master class on personal finance for this pivotal moment in time. She addresses every aspect of the American Dream—home, family, career, retirement. She teaches us that in order to create lasting security we must learn to stand in our truth. We must recognize, embrace, and be honest about what is real for us today and allow that understanding to inform the choices we make. The New American Dream is not the things we accumulate, says Orman, but the confidence that comes from knowing that which we’ve worked so hard for cannot be taken away from us. In The Money Class, Orman teaches us how to take control over our present—right here, right now—in order to build the future of our dreams.

Whether navigating the complicated mix of money and family, offering the most comprehensive retirement resource available today, or delivering a bracing dose of reality when it comes to recalibrating our expectations and our goals, Orman educates us with her signature no-nonsense approach and laser-like clarity. She empowers us to live a life of integrity and honesty that will create an enduring legacy for future generations—a New American Dream that lies in truth, security, financial freedom, and peace of mind.

"Feeling It Friday" Video

Good Read of The Month

Too Important To Fail

Watch the full episode. See more Tavis Smiley.

Awesome Read For Us ( I'm also posting because one of my girlfriend's daughter is in the picture)

Editor's note: Ron Clark, author of "The End of Molasses Classes: Getting Our Kids Unstuck -- 101 Extraordinary Solutions for Parents and Teachers," has been named "American Teacher of the Year" by Disney and was Oprah Winfrey's pick as her "Phenomenal Man." He founded The Ron Clark Academy, which educators from around the world have visited to learn.

(CNN) -- This summer, I met a principal who was recently named as the administrator of the year in her state. She was loved and adored by all, but she told me she was leaving the profession.

I screamed, "You can't leave us," and she quite bluntly replied, "Look, if I get an offer to lead a school system of orphans, I will be all over it, but I just can't deal with parents anymore; they are killing us."

Unfortunately, this sentiment seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list "issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel. Word is spreading, and the more negativity teachers receive from parents, the harder it becomes to recruit the best and the brightest out of colleges.

So, what can we do to stem the tide? What do teachers really need parents to understand?

For starters, we are educators, not nannies. We are educated professionals who work with kids every day and often see your child in a different light than you do. If we give you advice, don't fight it. Take it, and digest it in the same way you would consider advice from a doctor or lawyer. I have become used to some parents who just don't want to hear anything negative about their child, but sometimes if you're willing to take early warning advice to heart, it can help you head off an issue that could become much greater in the future.

Trust us. At times when I tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see the hairs rise on their backs. They are ready to fight and defend their child, and it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom something her son did and she turns, looks at him and asks, "Is that true?" Well, of course it's true. I just told you. And please don't ask whether a classmate can confirm what happened or whether another teacher might have been present. It only demeans teachers and weakens the partnership between teacher and parent.

Please quit with all the excuses

The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone.

And if you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them. I was talking with a parent and her son about his summer reading assignments. He told me he hadn't started, and I let him know I was extremely disappointed because school starts in two weeks.

His mother chimed in and told me that it had been a horrible summer for them because of family issues they'd been through in July. I said I was so sorry, but I couldn't help but point out that the assignments were given in May. She quickly added that she was allowing her child some "fun time" during the summer before getting back to work in July and that it wasn't his fault the work wasn't complete.


Can you feel my pain?

Some parents will make excuses regardless of the situation, and they are raising children who will grow into adults who turn toward excuses and do not create a strong work ethic. If you don't want your child to end up 25 and jobless, sitting on your couch eating potato chips, then stop making excuses for why they aren't succeeding. Instead, focus on finding solutions.

Parents, be a partner instead of a prosecutor

And parents, you know, it's OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It builds character and teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are vexed by those parents who stand in the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they want to swoop in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless of whether you think it should be a B+.

This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's that he/she is getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone. Parents will say, "My child has a great teacher! He made all A's this year!"

Wow. Come on now. In all honesty, it's usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades, because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your children receive low scores you want to complain and head to the principal's office.

Please, take a step back and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you feel the teacher has "given" your child, you might need to realize your child "earned" those grades and that the teacher you are complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.

And please, be a partner instead of a prosecutor. I had a child cheat on a test, and his parents threatened to call a lawyer because I was labeling him a criminal. I know that sounds crazy, but principals all across the country are telling me that more and more lawyers are accompanying parents for school meetings dealing with their children.

Teachers walking on eggshells

I feel so sorry for administrators and teachers these days whose hands are completely tied. In many ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to be honest and speak their minds. If they make a slight mistake, it can become a major disaster.

My mom just told me a child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job. My mom, my very own mother, said, "Can you believe that woman did that?"

I felt hit in the gut. I honestly would have probably tried to get the mark off as well. To think that we might lose our jobs over something so minor is scary. Why would anyone want to enter our profession? If our teachers continue to feel threatened and scared, you will rob our schools of our best and handcuff our efforts to recruit tomorrow's outstanding educators.

Finally, deal with negative situations in a professional manner.

If your child said something happened in the classroom that concerns you, ask to meet with the teacher and approach the situation by saying, "I wanted to let you know something my child said took place in your class, because I know that children can exaggerate and that there are always two sides to every story. I was hoping you could shed some light for me." If you aren't happy with the result, then take your concerns to the principal, but above all else, never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child. If he knows you don't respect her, he won't either, and that will lead to a whole host of new problems.

We know you love your children. We love them, too. We just ask -- and beg of you -- to trust us, support us and work with the system, not against it. We need you to have our backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve. Lift us up and make us feel appreciated, and we will work even harder to give your child the best education possible.

That's a teacher's promise, from me to you.

"Feeling It Friday" Video

Good Read of The Month

New York Times best-selling author Iyanla Vanzant recounts the last decade of her life and the spiritual lessons learned—from the price of success during her meteoric rise as a TV celebrity on Oprah, the Iyanla TV show (produced by Barbara Walters), to the dissolution of her marriage and her daughter’s 15 months of illness and death on Christmas day. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Iyanla shares why everything we need to learn is reflected in our relationships and the strength and wisdom she has gained by supporting others in their journeys to make sense out of the puzzle pieces of their lives.

Tuesday Tidbit (In Memory of My Friend)

Attached below are some scriptures I studied this morning. I was covering loneliness but my scripture study included Proverbs 18:24. It moved me to search out the word “friend”. I recently lost a dear friend so reading the scriptures caused me to think about my friend and the friendship we shared. I will truly miss her. She was like the sister I never had. Who will I now allow to aggravate me as much as she did…lol. But as I continue on my journey of life, I know within my heart that I was a friend she could depend on for unconditional love, support, and rebuking at times. She lived her life regardless of what others thought and that took inner strength. Even though I had feelings of selfishness the week after her death. It was good to witness my friend's mark on the world. She touched many lives, she had many friends and acquaintances which was evident by the number of people who came to give their good byes. Jeannell will be missed but not forgotten. Her spirit lives on. And I feel honored to have been her friend. I commit today to living my life in the strength and determination that my friend Jeannell lived her own. I also commit today to continue to be the friend I have always been to all who I call “friend”.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it's a choice. ~ Delphine

Proverbs 18:24 -- A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Proverbs 17:17 -- A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 27:10 -- Never abandon a friend--either yours or your father's. When disaster strikes, you won't have to ask your brother for assistance. It's better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away.

John 15: 15 -- no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach…What’s Being A Team Player

Last night my 13 yr. old took pleasure in reminding me that he needed me to get him to a track meet being held across town by 5:30 on today. If you knew the distance from my workplace to my home, and back to the school the track meet is being held you would know there is no way we can make this meet on time. And to make it even more interesting, my son hasn’t been to track practice in over two weeks. When asked a couple of weeks ago had he given up on track, he responded he hasn’t felt like practicing. Well while looking at my son, I’m thinking how do you open your mouth to ask me to take you on the other side of town to hangout as a team member but not participate. My thinking is you have not been to practice so why do you think you are running. How do you possibly think you have that type of pull? This morning, I announced that I could not make that sprint from one side of town to the other in an hour. I don’t know what he felt about my announcement because I didn’t ask. I do on the other hand plan on talking with him this evening about being a team player. Team players make practice whenever practice is held. Team players do what the coach or team leader expects of them. If you want to represent the team you have to be a team player. In short, this scenario reminds me of a the story where Jesus and his disciplines spent the night before his crucifixion in the garden praying. Well Jesus ended up being the only one praying. In the story Jesus asked the three disciplines to watch and pray but the those three disciplines kept falling asleep. Jesus was praying for strength to endure the task ahead of him and wanted the disciplines to pray that they didn’t fall into temptation. You may or may not see the correlation but I see it as being a team players, Jesus was the coach and the three disciplines were supposed to follow His example and his orders to pray for strength. The same with being on a track team you practice together to build the team. I start today on teaching my kids what being a team player is all about.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it’s a choice. ~Delphine

Mark 14:38 -- “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:36-56 -- “Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and to watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face rand prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”

Awesome Read For Us

Black and Married with Kids: Turn Off Your Auto-Pilot

Wednesday, April 20, 2011 | 6:00 AM
by Ronnie Tyler


Me: "Don't eat any food or drink anything until you have said your grace."

Daughter: "God is great and God is good. Let us thank Him for our food. Amen. Thank you, Jesus."

She said that as fast as she could and I think she was already chewing by the time she finished saying Jesus.

Me: "Say the entire thing and don't rush. You should say your grace like you mean it... like you are really thankful that God gave you this food to eat. It is not a time for playing or eating. It's a time for giving thanks."

And she slowed down and said it.

My daughter was going through the motions. She said her grace before every meal, without any thought to what it meant and probably not really being thankful for the meal. It was just a part of her routine.

This made me reflect on the many ways we can just go through the motions in our daily lives. For instance, how about at church? Are you just going to church just to say that you went to church on Sunday?

You were fussing and cussing before church. You arrived at church and turned on your praise and worship face as soon as you sat down. When service was over, you got back into your car and started fussing and cussing again. You were still in the parking lot and you were cussing folks out because they wanted to merge in front of you. Shooooooot it will take you an hour to get out of that parking lot if you start letting folks get in front of you.

Did you even hear the pastor's message today? Did hear him when he read: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV, John 13:34-35)

The pastor taught about Loving Thy Neighbor this Sunday morning. Where were you?

How about in your marriage? Are you going through the motions? Are you on auto-pilot in your relationship? Wake-up, get dressed, kiss the spouse, go to work, come home, eat dinner, piddle around, and go to bed. The next thing you know...it's time to do it all again. And then you look up and the years have flown by and your relationship is in trouble.

One good thing that I can say about going through the motions is that it helps you to start a routine. Going through the motions can get you into church every Sunday, can get you to go to those marriage counseling sessions with your spouse, and can get you through the day. But if you want to take your situation to the next level of realization where you are actually making progress, making changes, receiving understanding, and seeing some real results and growth, then you have to:

1. Turn off the auto-pilot.

2. Learn to be Present. Be in the here and now. Don't think about yesterday or what's next. Be aware of your actions.

3. While you are being present, make a physical or emotional or psychological connection. Try to relate to the person or situation. Open your self up to receive and learn new things. And if you are not able to connect, then that's ok because you will know that it is time to switch up and do something different. If you are on autopilot, then you may not even realize that what you are doing is not benefiting you.

Going through the motions is how people can attend churches for years and never develop a personal relationship with God and never develop an understanding of God's word.

Going through the motions is how people that have been married for 28 years end up in divorce court because they "grew apart"...they looked up one day and discovered that they were not happy.

Essence Family - Have you ever been guilty of going through the motions? What did you do to resolve the situation?

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and the upcoming film "Men Ain't Boys" that will explore manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.





Read more: http://www.essence.com/lifestyle/hot_topics_3/black_and_married_with_kids_blog_turning_off_auto_pilot.php#ixzz1K54sWnUx

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach...That The Redeemer Lives

Matthew 28:1-10
After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." (NIV)

Be Blessed and encouraged today, it's a choice. ~Delphine

Good Read of The Month

We are like Eve. We have all experienced defeats and failures, trouble and turmoil. We have all experienced a selfish heart, a shrewish spirit, anger, envy and bitterness. And we ache to do things over, to have lives of harmony and peace. In Lies Women Believe, Nancy Leigh DeMoss exposes those areas of deception most commonly believed by Christian women:
Lies about themselves: I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.
Lies about sin: I cannot walk in consistent victory over sin.
Lies about their marriage: If I submit to my husband, I will be miserable.
Lies about their emotions: I can't control my emotions.
Lies about their circumstances: I just can't take any more.
She sheds light on how we can be delivered from bondage and set free to walk in God's grace, forgiveness, and abundant life. Lies Women Believe offers the most effective weapon to counter and overcome Satan's deceptions---God's truth.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms to Teach Their Children…They Have A Voice

Never underestimate the power of your voice or the ability to voice your thoughts. Issues with the spouse, the parent, or your child just voicing it can change the issue. Having lunch with a few girls I work with got me to thinking about how we underestimate our voices. It’s okay to voice what you are feeling or thinking, especially when it can help the next man because in the mean while you could be helping yourself.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it’s a choice. ~ Delphine

One For the Kids

The 44th President introduces 13 American icons and heroes as exemplars of personal virtues, from Georgia O'Keeffe (creativity) and Jackie Robinson (courage) to Helen Keller (strength) and Cesar Chavez (inspiration). Though he includes Billie Holiday in his gallery (a gifted singer, but an iffy role model) along with a free translation of Chavez's !Si se puede! as "Yes, you can!" (which was his campaign slogan: the official UFW version is a more accurate but stiffer "Yes, it can be done!"), Obama offers general but cogent summations of why each figure merits admiration—Martin Luther King Jr., for instance, "taught us unyielding compassion," and Helen Keller, "never waiting for life to get easier," "gave others courage to face their challenges." Long's superb technical gifts and gentle sense of humor shine in the pictures. Posed nobly and, usually, hard at work in full-page scenes, each man or woman also appears as a willowy but recognizable child on the facing and following pages, joining a growing crowd of young observers gazing across the center stitching and exchanging symbolic tools of their various trades. Their ranks swelled with more children, these younger versions turn to face viewers on the penultimate spread, followed by a closing painting of the author walking with his daughters and a page of reasonably accurate historical notes. As well as offering thought-provoking choices and commentary, this stately outing leads naturally to Lynne Cheney's more populous America: A Patriotic Primer (S & S, 2002) as first introductions to our country's great ones.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach…Luke 6:31

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” is a bible verse we all can benefit from knowing in life. Even as adults we can sometimes operate in selfness by requiring others to do things for us, that they we would never want to do for them. So why is it so hard for us to understand our kids and young adults when they act so selfishly? A way to end it all, is to do exactly what the scripture says,” Do to others as you would have them do to you.” If you don’t want someone being flip with you, don’t be flip with them. Operating in goodness, will only bring goodness back to you. It all starts with you…just make the conscience effort to do only what you would you want someone to do to you.

Be blessed and encouraged, it’s a choice. ~Delphine

Tuesday Tibit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children...2 Timothy 1:7

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Be blessed and encouraged today, it's your choice. ~Delphine

"Feeling It Friday" Video

Why Every Black Child Should Have A Passport

I went to visit my daughter in Kentucky recently. I love spending time with my kids, which has become one of my greatest joys in life. I also enjoy teaching my kids, at least when they decide to listen to me.

When my youngest daughter turned 18, I picked her up and drove straight to the post office. She wasn't sure why we were making this trip, but I explained it along the way. I let her know that we were going to do something that would take only 20 minutes, but would change her life forever: We were signing her up to get a passport.

Now the passport was a necessity due to the trip she and I were about to take to Haiti with the National Professionals Network (NPN), but this was also a teachable moment for me. I figured that if I was to learn the NPN principles of working together and thinking globally, I would force myself to impart similar views onto my child.

I had to wait until my daughter Carmen was 18 to get her passport, primarily because I am not her biological father. I "adopted" her after being her track coach when she was nine years old and realizing that her own father had chosen not to embrace the blessing of having such a wonderful child in his life. I believe that every child deserves a father, and this relates to my concept of the "fatherhood bailout," which calls on black men wishing to be dads to proactively mentor kids whose fathers have chosen not to do their jobs. In other words, you don't have to have a child in order to be a parent.

At any rate, I explained to Carmen that far too many of "us" have a hard time seeing outside our own neighborhoods. We live, work, grow old and die in the same city without ever venturing beyond our boundaries to see all that the world has to offer. I also explained that black women who get ahead in business and in life are more likely to have a global perspective. I think she got the point. But then again, it didn't matter, because we were going to get the passport anyway.

When it comes to our economic situation, African Americans who see the rest of the world realize that we are not nearly as poor as we'd like to believe. There are people in China, Africa and South America who struggle to find food each day, yet we have people in the U.S. claiming poverty while owning iPhones, Nike sneakers and Coach purses. You can't be a chubby kid with an Xbox and truly argue that you're poor, but that's what happens to some of us who become committed to the idea of self-pity.

Another thing that my daughter learned during our recent trips to Haiti and Mexico is that opportunities are out there if you are willing to hustle for them. She saw Haitian merchants using clever and assertive sales tactics to raise money from their customers. In China, I saw 60-year old men riding their bikes 20 miles each day to work while dragging a crate full of bananas. The point is that many people around the world have learned a level of hustle that we as spoiled Americans have yet to truly embrace. If citizens in economically impoverished nations can work to create opportunities where there are none, then we should certainly be willing to make something happen in the richest country in the world.

My point is not to say that African Americans don't have significant hurdles. It is to say that by giving your kids a global perspective and exposing them to a variety of cultures, you are giving them a tremendous advantage in their professional and personal lives. Every black child should get a passport, and you should demand that your children use it. The more you see of the world, the larger your world seems to be.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

Good Read Of The Month

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU NEVER HAD TO PAY OFF ANOTHER DEBT AGAIN?
NO CREDIT CARD PAYMENTS!
NO MORTGAGE PAYMENTS!
NO AUTO LOAN PAYMENTS!


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Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children…To Move Out Of Those Comfort Zones

Recently I was asked by one of my close friends who is the Head Mother of her church, to be one of her guest speakers for a function she is hosting for women. She wants me to speak on being a wife and mother. I was quick to think and to say,“I’m not a preacher or even a speaker, I can’t do that.” When I should have said, “I’m terrified of speaking in front of people and more terrified of them thinking who is she to tell us how we should be operating as wives and mothers.” I made every excuse and gave every possible reason why I couldn’t help her, my close friend, do something that she and others see and hear we talk about so openly. How is it that something that seems to come so natural for me, just became something so unnatural for me to speak on. My friend asked me to pray about it. I said, “I would.” But I had full intentions of not praying because I knew what the answer would be and I didn’t want to pulled out of my confront zone. A comfort zone that I created, one that I’m totally comfortable in. My friend did her duty by asking and checking back with me for my answer. And after shedding a few tears and confessions of being fearful, we both said, we would pray regarding my fears and about my decision on being a guest speaker. I drove away from her house with a decision to prepare myself just in case I felt convicted and was lead to do what she had asked. Well after conversations with a few other friends and my husband,I made the decision to continue to be that dependable friend, one who would not be afraid of stepping out of her comfort zone. I am no longer terrified because I have friends interceding on my behalf but I did realize it’s okay to admit to being afraid, it’s just not okay to succumb to fear when being asked to do something for your good and the good of others. If I allowed fear to keep me from helping a friend or anything else, how could I ever be the one encouraging or in some cases requiring my kids to move out of their comfort zones when it’s for their own good.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it’s definitely a choice. ~Delphine

2 Timothy 1:7 -- For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 2:15 -- Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

"Feeling It Friday" Video

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children…They Can Be Honest With God

Be honest with God because He already knows. We can be honest with him, when we can’t be honest with ourselves or those around us. Being honest with him frees us to be honest with ourselves. When we are praying, repenting, seeking, or simply crying out to God we should do it in honesty because he already knows, he sees and knows all things. It’s like having a conversation with your closest friends. The friends we share some of our deepest secrets with, secrets we think will never be told or repeated, but do. God is our friend, our Father, the one entity we can always confide in. We can lay our concerns, our fears, our regrets, our sins all at His feet. We can address Him and feel open about sharing all things on our hearts and minds and not feel judged about what we are sharing. Like TD Jakes says, we can be naked and not ashamed. One thing about being honest with God, there is never condemnation, there is only room for conviction. He allows the holy spirit to do its job, because those who are truly opening up to seek His forgiveness or His will are already being led by His spirit to do so. Be blessed by being honest with the one who loves and cares for you most.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it’s a choice. ~Delphine

Romans 8: 1-2 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

Acts 10: 34-35 Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: But in every nation he that feareth him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with him.

Psalm 25:1-2 Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

2 Corinthians 3:14 17 But their minds were blinded: for until this day remaineth the same vail untaken away in the reading of the old testament; which vail is done away in Christ. But even unto this day, when Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart. Nevertheless when it shall turn to the Lord, the vail shall be taken away.Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children...The 23rd Psalm

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

"Feeliing It Friday" video

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children….How To Listen

“Make time for the quiet moments for God whispers, while the world is loud.”, reads the sign in my bedroom bathroom. Seeing this quote every day has made me evaluate how well do I listen to and for God’s voice. Do I hear him? How well do I listen to those around me? Do I really listen? I do know that sometimes we are so busy thinking and speaking that we don’t listen. Thinking back, we all have learned to speak because at one time we listened. Listening allowed us to form words when we were toddlers just learning to speak. Listening also allows us to appreciate and learn other languages. When we really ponder listening, learning to listen is a greater gift than speaking at times. Listening allows us to learn so much more. Listening will sometimes answer the very questions we want to ask. We gain wisdom by listening. Part of discipline is listening, but listening also takes discipline. So let us take some time to work on your listening skills by talking less. Being in a quiet place will gain us access to His still and quiet voice.

Be blessed and encouraged, it’s a choice. ~ Delphine

James 1:19 - let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak

Proverbs 18:13 - He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.

Proverb 29:20 - Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Psalms 46:10 - Be still, and know that I am God.

Good Parenting Article from Focus On the Family

Even if you don’t follow pop culture, you’ve inevitably read or heard of the teen actress Miley Cyrus. Playing the wholesome character “Hannah Montana” on her popular Disney television show of the same name several years ago, Miss Cyrus was catapulted into entertainment’s stratosphere. She quickly became a marketer’s dream and was earning millions of dollars in TV, music and feature films. In the midst of her rapid ascent, though, she also found herself wrapped up in controversy, from being caught posing for provocative photographs to smoking a bong and taking hallucinogenic drugs.

Just another child actress given too much too soon?

Miss Cyrus, now 18, is the daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, perhaps best known for his hit, “Achy Breaky Heart.”

Ironically, and sadly, that’s exactly what Billy Ray is suffering from these days. He told GQ Magazine that he now wishes his daughter never went to Hollywood and found fame and fortune.

"The [expletive] show destroyed my family," he told the reporter. "I'd take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just everybody be okay, safe and sound and happy and normal would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I'd erase it all in a second if I could."

Billy Ray and his wife, Miley’s mother, Tish, filed for divorce this past fall.


As you would expect, back in 1992 when Miley was born, neither Tish nor Billy Ray thought things would take such a sad turn. In fact, when their daughter was born they named her “Destiny Hope” because they were so confident in the brightness of her future. Those early years were, indeed, happy. As a little baby they nicknamed her “Smiley” – later shorted to Miley – because she always had such a wide and carefree grin.


But those days are long gone, and her father is not only grieving their passage but regretting his actions (or lack thereof) as a father. Again, from the GQ interview:


"How many interviews did I give and say, 'You know what's important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids'? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, 'You don't need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.' Well, I'm the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, 'Enough is enough--it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt.' I should have, but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere."


Very few parents are faced with the challenge of parenting a teen idol, a tough assignment to be sure. But what about the rest of us? Although we might not be trying to navigate stardom, we do have to navigate and manage human nature. Mark my words. Our kids will inevitably push the envelope and test the waters. It’s normal and natural to do so. Subconsciously many of us are wondering just how far we’ll allow them to go. Despite what they might say or how they might act, they want leadership.


Now a reality check. We all like to be liked. If it’s human nature for a kid to push, it’s human nature for a mom or dad to want to be favorably viewed by our kids. But here is the big question: Do we want to be their best pal – or their parent who often has to hold firm and say “no” when they desperately want us to say “yes”?


Here is your charge. Here is your challenge. Your kids have plenty of friends, maybe too many. But only two people in the world can really be their parents. Step up. Be parents today and the friendship with your children - a real friendship - will grow into adulthood and likely last throughout your lives.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children…Salvation is Free.

Part of being a parent is in guiding our children. We should be living and leading by example. We should be teaching and nurturing the souls God has entrusted to our care. We should be ushering our children into His presence. We should not leave this to the strangers we listen to in church. We should be the ones leading them to His saving grace and teaching them that salvation is free. We should be on our jobs as parents. They grown before you know it. You want what you have planted to grow even if what you planted endures a drought. Salvation is free because Christ Jesus paid the price. Now lets plant the seeds of salavation in the fertile souls of our children.

Be Blessed and encouraged today, it’s a choice.~Delphine

“… if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes to righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made to salvation.” (Romans 10:9)

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace …” (Ephesians 1:7)

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

"Feeling It Friday" Video

Good Read Of The Month

Only 34 percent of African-American children today are raised in two- parent households, a sharp contrast to 1966, when 85 percent of black children were raised by two parents. In provocative but heartfelt words, Hill Harper takes on these urgent challenges, bringing a variety of issues out of the shadows. In The Conversation, Harper speaks to women and men with clear-eyed perspective, covering topics such as:

•The roots of the breakdown in the black family

•The myth that there are no mature, single, black male professionals

•What women can do to alleviate the "heaviness" they sometimes attach to dating

•What men can do to break the cycle of being a player

•The difference between sex and intimacy

•Bridging the communication gap

•Self-worth and net worth, and why you should never settle for an unworthy partner

Capturing the conversations Harper and his friends frequently have, this book is destined to be one of Harper's most healing contributions.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children...1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it's a choice. ~Delphine

Thought Provoking Article from Essence.com

Sound-Off: Black Mothers Can Learn from 'Tiger Mom' written by Kimberly Seals Allers

There's been a lot of controversy recently regarding the release of Amy Chua's latest book, "The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom."

In it, this Chinese-American mother of two and Yale professor-turned-confessional author pans Western parenting ideals and touts the benefits of tough Chinese parenting: no sleepovers, no playdates, and no after-school activities, except practicing the violin and piano for hours. Sounds like my great, great grandma.

Ever since publishing her damned-the-nurturing-Western parenting tome, Chua has appeared on pretty much every national television show, become a virtual piñata for every parenting website and blog, and has even received death threats for her views.

I mean, really now.

Chua does rightly deserve a little heat for proudly calling her kids "lazy," "pathetic," "cowardly," "barbarians" -- even "garbage" -- when they fail to measure up to her expectations. She considers an A- a bad grade. But I think much of the backlash behind Tiger Mom is simply the American arrogance of anyone saying the American way of parenting is not best.

And really, is it? The bumper crop of self-indulgent, overly entitled, Facebook and text-all-day American kids, could mean Chua is onto something. And there is likely an even more important takeaway for Black parents.

Truth be told, I don't think most Black parents feel white America has it all right when it comes to parenting anyway. Their track record leaves much to be desired. And admittedly so does ours. The Black achievement gap still looms large. The number of young Black males in prison speaks volumes. The stats about the amount of hours Black children spend in front of a television versus Whites and Asians is embarrassing. And if you don't want to delve into historical statistics for a litmus test on the quality of Black parenting, consider that last week some Oakland second-graders were reportedly involved in taking off their clothes and performing oral sex in a classroom. Enough said.

At the end of the day, Chua makes a valid point worth noting. Perhaps we've lost our way as African-Americans because we've strayed or even assimilated into the American way of thinking -- something Chua refuses to do. We've drifted from the hardworking ethic of our forefathers that made us value education and push for academic excellence in recognition of the days we were denied it. We got caught up in the quest for giving "things" to our children and forgot about the time when our parents had nothing to give but themselves. They gave us their time and their presence. They were firm, yet loving. They expected success and not to shame the family. And perhaps things were better then.

Perhaps things were better when the neighbors helped looked after everybody, when my children were your children, and every child knew that any adult on the block had spanking privileges. And we saw our individual successes as our collective success. Those were our values. And we instilled them in our children, without apology.

Where are those values now?

I often feel like a dinosaur because my children aren't allowed to watch TV on school nights, there is no PlayStation nor any handheld gaming systems in our home, and books outnumber toys in my children's rooms. They felt mistreated, my children told me recently, as one of a few kids who didn't return from Christmas break with a new iPad, iPod or ianything. Or maybe it was because of those book reports they had to prepare while on school break.

Either way, while I do not agree with all of Chua's means (In one instance, she hauls her then-7-year-old daughter's dollhouse out to the car and tells the kid that the dollhouse is going to be donated to the Salvation Army piece by piece if the daughter doesn't master a difficult piano composition by the next day?), I can certainly respect her intended end: raising high achievers. No excuses.

Girlfriend has a plan and she's not afraid to work it. She sees her children as strong and able to handle tough love, not weak and in need of coddling. You gotta respect her commitment. Her firmness. Her, I-don't-care-what-you-think-of-me--ness.

Maybe we all could use a little tiger in our parenting tool kit.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children…What Democracy Means

On last night, I had the pleasure of viewing with my two younger children the documentary “Please Vote for Me”. The 56 min. film was very insightful and quite thought provoking for people of all ages and cultures. In short, the documentary follows the elections for class monitor in a 3rd grade class of eight year old children in China. The three candidates, compete against each other for the coveted role and are egged on by their teachers and doting parents. It’s supposedly to be the first election of its type for a class monitor held in a school in China, as well as an interesting use of classic democratic voting principles and interpersonal dynamics. It also gives a glimpse into China's contemporary urban middle classes.

My tidbit for today is to use this film as a tool to explain democracy along with the choices of free will. I can assure you, you and your family will enjoy it and be surprised at how wise today’s children really are.

Attached is a trailer I found of the film.



Be blessed and encouraged today, it’s a choice. ~Delphine

"Feeling It Friday" Video

With this year comes new things. I will be adding new posts under the subtitle of “Feeling It Friday”. These weekly posts will be of videos that place me in the mind or mood of praise and worship. A way to jumpstart a weekend of praise. I hope you are blessed by the selections because the majority of the songs I post, have truly blessed me and brought me to His alter of praise.

Be blessed this weekend, it’s a choice. ~ Delphine

Awesome!

This video kinda piggy backs off of Tuesday's Tidbit. I ran across this video and felt happy for these brown moms.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Teach Their Children…You Have A Bright Future

It seems that every week my children’s aspirations and career goals for their adult lives change. Just when I get use to the idea of being a parent of a future traveling veterinarian, he decides he wants to be a game show host. I have also heard from one that he is going to be a Nigerian soccer player and the President of the United States...imagine that. It is truly wonderful hearing their dreams, even though they may change by the day. Listening and questioning their plans allows me to spread my wings and dream with them. As a praying parent, it also triggers certain prayers for them. I pray over their minds and their hearts desires. I pray God’s full covering over them. I start by pleading the blood of Jesus over them and I encourage them by saying, “ You can do all thing through Christ who strengthens you” or by saying “ You have bright future ahead of you”. I never want to be the one standing in the way of their dreams. I want to be the one helping them to reach their dreams by doing my part as their parent.

Be blessed and encouraged today, it’s a choice. ~Delphine

Philippians 4:13 -- I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me. (NKJV)

Habakkuk 2:2 -- And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. (KJV)

1 Timothy 4:12 -- Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Matthew 19:14 -- Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

One For the Kids

A contemplation of the future through the lens of a family's past. An African-American girl looking to the future has a broad range of relatives to emulate—a banjo-playing mailman, a housewife who broke the color barrier, a pool shark, and a burger-flipping aspiring jazzman. Nelson's rhythmic and colloquial first-person narrative introduces the characters not only in terms of the jobs they hold, but also the kind of people they are; her Great-Grandpap believes, "Nothin's more important than family." For the jazzman, "what matters is the trying." Qualls's mixed-media illustrations combine muted and bright elements and feature full-spread renditions of each relative at home or work, followed by a page showing surreal floating heads of the girl and the featured role model as she repeats the title's query. Nelson shows respect for all the ways people live and work.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms to Teach Their Kids…The Importance of Reading and Listening

How do we as parents expect our kids to show growth or progress in school when we don’t enforce reading outside the classroom? How do we expect them to learn more when we don’t re-enforce listening to their elders or others? And how do we expect them to get ahead when we don’t encourage them to ask questions to things they don’t understand or know? So how can we as Christians parents expect our children to grow in their relationship with God when they don’t read their bibles because they don’t enjoy reading? And how can we as Christians expect them to sit through weekly church services or listen to sermons when they haven’t been taught to listen for understanding? Some good questions to ask ourselves as parents and some good habits to implement for our growth as well as our children.

Be blessed and encouraged this year, it’s a choice. ~ Delphine

2 Timothy 2:15 “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” (KJV)

James 1:19 “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” (KJV)

Psalm 119 “The opening of thy words giveth light; It giveth understanding unto the simple.” (AMSV)

Luke 11:9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (NLTV)

Good Read of The Month

Robyn O’Brien is not the most likely candidate for an antiestablishment crusade. A Houston native from a conservative family, this MBA and married mother of four was not someone who gave much thought to misguided government agencies and chemicals in our food—until the day her youngest daughter had a violent allergic reaction to eggs, and everything changed. The Unhealthy Truth is both the story of how one brave woman chose to take on the system and a call to action that shows how each of us can do our part and keep our own families safe.

O’Brien turns to accredited research conducted in Europe that confirms the toxicity of America’s food supply, and traces the relationship between Big Food and Big Money that has ensured that the United States is one of the only developed countries in the world to allow hidden toxins in our food—toxins that can be blamed for the alarming recent increases in allergies, ADHD, cancer, and asthma among our children. Featuring recipes and an action plan for weaning your family off dangerous chemicals one step at a time The Unhealthy Truth is a must-read for every parent—and for every concerned citizen—in America today.

Tuesday Tidbit

God Made Moms To Their Children...What is Faith?

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”
(Hebrews 11:1, KJV)

Be blessed and encouraged this year, it's a choice. ~Delphine

To God Be The Glory

Happy New Year